Sch finally started and the first week is finally ending...soon.

Yuuya (my baby lappie) died on me.. :( I really dont know why..it has only been 5 months? Sigh... shall bring it to funan to check it out. Hope I dont have to pay with warranty.

I should be studying right now...but I seriously dont feel like it at all. Psychology is such a new thing to me... I dont even know where I should really start actually. Now there's a project on Jung and yuuya just happily died... what to do!!

I miss onepiece... i miss ZORO!!! ZORO!!! but it's seriously not the time to be watching onepiece now. I feel so stale I have to blog to make myself feel better. (yuuya its all your fault you naughty boy)

The whole ryopi influenza A saga wasnt really a big hit on me.

I'm starting to stray out of fangirl-ism...moving towards my anime/manga once again.

I dont really know why or how it happened but it has been dwelling on me for a very long time how I've spent a lot of money buying yamapi-related stuff, this and that, jap mags...photobooks. It's not abt whether it's worth it but more like, i dont have the assets to keep supporting an idol like that. So I gradually stop buying stuffs, controling myself...and this in the end leads to the a dull after taste of fangirlism.

After thinking for a few weeks, I came with a conclusion. I still like Pi-chan alot. But the pi-chan I like is not this pi-chan I am seeing now... it's the younger pi-chan. the pi chan in the past. When I look at him now, I feel like I am just looking at a beautiful stranger.

They say that he cares alot about his fans, but not even updating his nikki when he was sick was not really "caring for his fans" isit? When he didnt update I just got this feeling of "the nikki is part of his job, since he is taking a break/mc he dont have to update it, since it's job". But isnt it like the most crucial period?...everyone worrying their heads off for him...and not even a single post? I think even a short post like "dont worry minna!!  Daijoubu!! I am fine!" will really give the many girls out there a sigh of relief...knowing that this idol they admire so much is genki and not in much danger. Thats what I call caring for the fans. So many ppl, not only in japan almost all over the world is looking at you, supporting you, giving their hearts to you...spending their hard-earned money on you.

I dont know why I am complaining here... I just felt kind of disappointed I guess not personally disappointed but disappointed as a third party kind of feeling.

Ah well, rants here and there. I guess I prefer beautiful 2D guys after all. If I was born in Japan, I would most prolly be shopping at Akihabara every weekend or smth. hahaha...otaku neh.
 

Just finished watching:

恋して悪魔Epi6

ブザー・ビート~崖っぷちのヒーロー Epi5 (ahhh...pi-chan dont cry :( )

&

任侠ヘルパーEpi5

Hmm... If you ask me out of this 3, which is my fav... I cant really decide because their stories are all interesting in their own way. But I kind of like Koishite Akuma and the reason is because it's keeping me on the edge of my chair. I want to watch what happens next more than the other 2 dramas...and that is 1 of the quality of a gd drama right? To make the viewers want more.

Maybe the plot's a bit predictable.. a vampire who looks like your first love yrs ago, it's easy for the viewers to guess that 黒宮 must have been 歩. But its quite interesting isnt it?  The whole student-teacher thingy... it's not like it's forbidden love...it's just that he came back to life and shall look the same eternally, but the age is still the same for the both of them! I highly suspect that 香織 already knows that 黒宮 is a vampire.  I think Nakayama Yuma really acted the character out well... and he is still new in this area. So it was really a pleasant surprise for me to know that the new generation of actors are coming into the dorama scene and they are doing a pretty gd job. :) 

Okay, next on to Buzzerbeat. Ahhh... I teared during the scene when pi-chan cried. Dont cry!!! T_T I think Naoki & Riko make a gd couple!! I just cant imagine how can anyone cheat on such a beautiful and sexy person like yamapi Naoki. Too much man Natsuki, too much. (I dont really like her, as in the actress... Absolute bf gave me a  rather bad impression of her [it's some manga VS dorama thingy complex that I have] and now this! tsk tsk ) It's quite obvious how this drama will end off but it's still nice to watch....cause Yamapi is so cool in it!!! Love it when he is practising. Kakoiiii!!!  ^_^ But it's not just fangirling over drama quality okay... I didnt even finish step up! cause I felt it was really boring. Other than that (and the jap movie pi was in...some samurai movie) I faithfully watched all his other dramas because they are nice!!!

任侠ヘルパー on the other hand is rather slow pace compared to the 2. It's those 1 episode one main story which needs to be piece together to form this huge finale at the last episode. I'm actually watching it because of Yabu-kun~ But as I mention above, even if the idol I like is acting in the drama...if it doesnt capture my attention I'll most prolly let it go. But this type of drama... you just need to watch the first and last episode and you can know what the whole story is about. Of course, why would you do that if the dorama is gd? You would want to know what happened in between and stuff right? :)

So there goes the 3 doramas I am currently watching at the moment (and are also ongoing in Japan). I actually finished watching one dorama in 2 days and that dorama is non other than, Mendol ~ IKEMEN Idol~. IT"S a rather pervy drama... but I like the fact that the girls have to pretend as boys to become Idol. Hahaha...it's just my secret fetish of wanting to dress up as a boy since long ago. I've yet to try it but I'll do that one day!! I think it'll be quite fun to be a pretty boy for one day. haha~ Maybe I'll do it when I go to Japan. :D So exciting!! hahaha... crazy.

I've got no where else to rant so I am back here again. (yes sadly I do not have friends whom I can rant to so I've come to rant at this sad space in the virtual world.)

I am going out tomorrow...although I really dont feel like going. But sigh... have to go for the sake of going.

I am wondering how I am going to pay them back the money. If I give it to them like that, they wouldnt take it. It'll be weird if I sneak the cash into their wallets...so I am thinking of confronting them infront of bff2. Hack if it became really awkard or embaressing. I dont care anymore.

Sometimes I just awe at how gd friends can become nobodies in an instance.

sabishi desu ka?

It's been such a long time since I updated this journal. I wonder if anyone I know actually knows about this blog...hmm.

Well, I'm thinking that maybe I should rant here more often than on my wordpress blog...sometimes, there are just things you want to shout to the whole world...but not to the people you are directing the shout to... doesnt feel as "shiok" when you password protect such a post. haha...

Watching ninkyo helper now... I really cant adapt to yabu in that show.................its like SMACK! THE LITTLE YABU GONE!!  Since those days of yah-yah-yah to now heysayjump! He really grew alot alot. I feel like a mother whose son is leaving me or smth.hahaha... yabu...become small again!

I am super tempted to write a fanmail to him but it's kind of weird isit? Receiving fanmail from someone older than you. Hahaha... actually its weirder that I am 20 yrs old and I am still writing fanmails. But well...fangirling..there's no age limit neh~ :D Everytime when I think of yabu-chan, I will have this feeling that his fanbase is rather small...now that he is not as shinning during the yahyahyah period... did his fanbase shrink? He is no longer the kawaii yabu anymore... he is now a man! X] so did those fangirls who go for kawaii run away? Hahaha... I really dont know but it'sjust a feeling that sets me wondering about all those qns. (Maybe because Yamapi's fanbase is super big... unconsciously comparing them! =p sumimasen!)

yosh! I'll see how things goes and write yabu-chan a fanmail if I cant control myself any longer..hahaha. why does it sound ecchi all of a sudden? (The yamapi effect after reading his nikki...pi-chan...dameiyo. this is not gd for your fangirls ey? XD)

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear Yama-chan~

Happy birthday to you!

HAPPY 24TH BIRTHDAY!

Please stay healthy, well, happy, strong, beautiful, sexy!!!
Thank you for being born into this world, making so many girls happy around the world.

Love you always & forever. (^_^) Take care!

watashi wa daijoubu janai.

watashi wa genki janai.

I am trying to tell myself that its ok, even if things dont turn out well. It's ok...actually it really is. It's not a life and death matter, its not like my future will be gone.

It's just that I feel sad. ...isit because of the feeling of being rejected? Maybe I've already gotten use to that place. Or maybe I am just worried about the financial aspect. I am not too sure why.

I thought I might feel better watching a movie of yours. I did laughed a few at your kawaii appearances but it has not much effect.

But it's ok to feel sad right? At least for today? I'll be happy tomorrow and like you when you lost your phone, i'll feel no stress and everything will be back to normal. =)

I look forward to sending you a card for your birthday. (^_^ ) Hahaha.. I am feeling better already! Shall go plan what to write~ and send it to you soon! Hope I wont be late this time =D

It's okay!

I'll learn to overcome all these on my own! Just like pi-chan trying hard for everyone of us, I'll use the energy he gave to try hard for myself! Even if I am alone, I'll be sitting in my room, looking at ur smiley poster faces and not feel alone anymore!

I'll not depend on others! I'll not rely on others! I'll be strong! I will survive! Even if I cry, I'll not stay sad for long! Because I know there is still something that can help me chase away my sadness. I'll listen to your song, your voice and feel happy. And look forward to tomorrow.

Yes! I can do it! Even if it's by myself, cause the best encouragement, the best support, the best pillar to lean on is still yourself! Genki genki genki!!!

pi-chan! Arigato! hontoni arigato for giving me courage! Thank you for your existence, allowing me to, for the first time, feel the happiness of being a fangirl. Giving me a delusion, a crazy unrealistic dream to fall back on no matter what happens to my life. 

<3 

It has been ages since i updated this fangirl blog of mine!!!

Was looking through some photos of yamapi and almost died... He is too KAWAII!!! KYAAA!! (x_x)

It's really wonderful...this internet thing. IF not for it, I wouldnt know about pi-chan...wouldnt get to watch his drama, listen to his voice, look at his photos and read his nikki.

Everytime when I read his nikki..there will be this shiawase feeling. I am really glad he updates almost daily and really appreciate his effort! Although you cant hear/see me but I'll still say Arigato Gozaimasu! hontoni hontoni arigato gozaimasu!

Hmm hmm...pi-chan's birthday is just around the corner! I wonder if i should send him a card like last year or join the fangirls in doing a card together? Kind of excited... I shall see how. Last year my letter arrived late.so this year I am going to make sure he'll recieve it on time if i am going to send one! A small hope for me... a small dream!

Really hope I can see him in person!! When I've got the money to go to Japan that is. It's ok mel! IT'll be real soon!!

Wahhh...so long never come here le. how are you? I'm fine...<-crazy  ><

Yesterday yesterday yesterday! I dreamt of pi-chan again! fangirl revived! lol...

me: hey, do you know who is YT?

pi:... ... ... er.. yamapi?

me: yeah! he is my friend! (in my dream he is la...lol) :D

pi: -.-... you know who is Melissa? She is my friend too. :D

WAHHHHHHHHH... crazy dream! fangirl in the most random way! Dont know what was all that about also but I feel very happy that I can see him in my dream. =D

Cant see him live, cant hear him live... and he doesnt know me as well. So I only can dream.

It's a sad fangirl life...but some how I feel happy...haha.

Told you I am crazy